In an earlier post, I discussed how some of the overexcitabilities (OEs) are often responsible for a keen understanding of issues of social justice for gifted children and adults. The emotional OE create a propensity for heightened empathy. And the intellectual OE sees injustice as not only unfair - but also as illogical. When these feelings surface in children they can become frustrated because they often lack the power necessary to create change. Many parents I know will try to hide what is going on in the world from their children, fearing that it will upset them too much. My belief is that you can find developmentally appropriate ways to communicate with your child about what is happening in the world. I would rather the information come from me rather than from someone on the playground who might not have all of the facts. I also feel like it is an excellent opportunity to begin to talk about the values that will become important to your child. But what does it mean to be "developmentally appropriate?" Notice that I did not say "age appropriate" because not all children of the same age think and feel the same way. No one is better equipped to say what is developmentally appropriate than a parent. As a parent, I understand the frame in which my daughter understands the world. I also am aware of what information would be outside that frame and cause her harm. And as a child with a very high imaginational OE, I know that my daughter is prone to nightmares and anxiety.
Recently, my daughter asked about Bill Cosby. Being that she is only eight, she had no idea who he was, but noticed that his name was being said quite a bit. We sat down and I told her that he was a very loved comedian who now was being accused of doing some very horrible things to lots of women. Of course, the next thing she asked was, "What did he do?" Even as a therapist, it is challenging to have these discussions. I do not want to tell my daughter that every two minutes a woman is raped in this country. I will tell her that later. I have had conversations about her body and how no one has the right to touch her in any way that makes her uncomfortable and without her permission. I told her that they have said he gave them drugs to make them vulnerable and then hurt them by doing things to their body without their permission. She didn't ask the next question which I feared she would, "What kinds of things?"... perhaps she also knew that was beyond what she wanted to know at this age. We have not had a full conversation about sex at this point. That is something that I know will happen soon, but when it does - I would rather it not be in the context of sexual assault.
Although it can sometimes be difficult, It is important that in those discussions, we do not tell our children how and what to think - but rather ask questions to help the child understand their own values and why the issue is of importance to them. And it is important to begin the process of helping young people understand their own competency and efficacy when faced with challenges. So, how do we help young people have a voice and recognize the ways in which they can make a difference in their world?
Recently, my daughter asked about Bill Cosby. Being that she is only eight, she had no idea who he was, but noticed that his name was being said quite a bit. We sat down and I told her that he was a very loved comedian who now was being accused of doing some very horrible things to lots of women. Of course, the next thing she asked was, "What did he do?" Even as a therapist, it is challenging to have these discussions. I do not want to tell my daughter that every two minutes a woman is raped in this country. I will tell her that later. I have had conversations about her body and how no one has the right to touch her in any way that makes her uncomfortable and without her permission. I told her that they have said he gave them drugs to make them vulnerable and then hurt them by doing things to their body without their permission. She didn't ask the next question which I feared she would, "What kinds of things?"... perhaps she also knew that was beyond what she wanted to know at this age. We have not had a full conversation about sex at this point. That is something that I know will happen soon, but when it does - I would rather it not be in the context of sexual assault.
Although it can sometimes be difficult, It is important that in those discussions, we do not tell our children how and what to think - but rather ask questions to help the child understand their own values and why the issue is of importance to them. And it is important to begin the process of helping young people understand their own competency and efficacy when faced with challenges. So, how do we help young people have a voice and recognize the ways in which they can make a difference in their world?
Books
With my own children and in my work as a therapist, I have used lots of books to help children learn about other people who were passionate about creating change in the world. I have an incredibly large collection of children's books that focus on famous individuals in history. The interesting thing is most all of them had to overcome a challenge in order to be successful. It also broaden's a child's experience of the world in general and all of the people in it. Jacques Cousteau was extremely week and ill as a young child and doctors recommended swimming to help him to become stronger. Thus began his love of the water. Althea Gibson would have probably been diagnosed with ADHD if she were young today. Instead, she focused her energy on tennis and became the first African American woman to win the French Open and Wimbledon. And there are amazing biographies about Muhammed Ali, Cesar Chavez and Ghandi that speak to their passionate beliefs around social justice that continued through out their lives. These stories help to validate our children's feelings and experiences and inspire them to understand how they too can make a difference in their world.
Here is a link to my pinterest biography book list.
Here is a link to my pinterest biography book list.
Role Models
Finding young role models in an excellent way of helping provide inspiration to young children and adolescents.
This list from RYOT has some very young activists making a big difference in the world.
This list from RYOT has some very young activists making a big difference in the world.
Honoring Ideas and Values
One of the worse things we can do is minimize a child's beliefs and reinforce the idea that they are powerless. "There is nothing you can do about that." "That is just the way the world works." "You are being too sensitive." Those messages of powerlessness are insidious. Soon, they will begin to believe that nothing is possible and that ultimately they are ineffective. They might also begin to believe their feelings as irrelevant. I know that we all have those feelings at one point or another, but I think it is important that we do all that we can in these early stages of development to discourage pessimism and self doubt.
My five year old is a vegetarian. He believes that killing animals is wrong and often has a hard time at dinner because no one else in the family is a vegetarian. Prior to going to Thanksgiving dinner with his grandparents, we had to sit down and discuss the turkey and how he might be able to handle his feelings around seeing it. One thing we do to honor his beliefs is every Thursday, no one in the family eats meat. It may seem small, but to my five year old, Thursdays are awesome. Maybe at some point we can do a meatless Tuesday too.
My five year old is a vegetarian. He believes that killing animals is wrong and often has a hard time at dinner because no one else in the family is a vegetarian. Prior to going to Thanksgiving dinner with his grandparents, we had to sit down and discuss the turkey and how he might be able to handle his feelings around seeing it. One thing we do to honor his beliefs is every Thursday, no one in the family eats meat. It may seem small, but to my five year old, Thursdays are awesome. Maybe at some point we can do a meatless Tuesday too.
Other Ideas
There are lots of other things that can be done to help young people channel their activism in positive ways. Taking a child to a peaceful protest, helping at a local animal shelter, writing letters to businesses and government officials, and speaking out about things that matter are just a few ideas. What kinds of things have you done to help? How do you honor your child's values and experiences? Leave me a comment!
Links
Compassionate Kids is a website that focuses on how to help very young children become compassionate around their earth, people, and animals.
http://www.compassionatekids.com/
The Free child project is a great starting place that has links to lots of different youth led social activism organizations.
http://www.freechild.org/youth_activism_2.htm
Here is an amazing link to the "Top 10 Picture Books for Activists in Training" by Mathangi Subramanian. I will definitely be looking to get some of these books for holiday gifts!
http://nerdybookclub.wordpress.com/2014/08/09/top-10-picture-books-for-activists-in-training-by-mathangi-subramanian/
http://www.compassionatekids.com/
The Free child project is a great starting place that has links to lots of different youth led social activism organizations.
http://www.freechild.org/youth_activism_2.htm
Here is an amazing link to the "Top 10 Picture Books for Activists in Training" by Mathangi Subramanian. I will definitely be looking to get some of these books for holiday gifts!
http://nerdybookclub.wordpress.com/2014/08/09/top-10-picture-books-for-activists-in-training-by-mathangi-subramanian/